It isn’t taboo to say that sex is important for most people’s relationships. But did you know it’s also a hugely important part of our physical, mental and emotional health?
Research published in the British Medical Journal (BMJ) shows that having good sex is positively associated with health in middle age and later life, and a 2021 paper even found that those who had sex regularly in lockdown were less likely to be infected with Covid thanks to the immunity-supporting impact of sex.
“Sex is vital for connecting with yourself and with a partner or partners. It helps us get to know our own bodies and desires, acts as a conduit for deeper communication and shared experience, and releases feelgood hormones like oxytocin,” says Clio Wood, sex, pleasure and intimacy coach and author of Get Your Mojo Back.
How often should you have sex?
Just 30 per cent of people in the UK have sex at least once a week, according to the latest poll from YouGov. But age is a huge determinant of our sexual frequency, with the figure declining from 43 per cent of 18 to 24-year-olds to just 12 per cent of those over 65s.
Those not having weekly sex might be missing out on some key health benefits. In a study from the University of California, researchers asked participants to log sexual interactions, as well as positive and negative encounters with their partners and their perceived stress levels for a week. They then took samples of participants’ blood to measure the length of proteins called telomeres which are markers of immune function and disease risk.
Sex was the only relationship factor that seemed to improve telomere health – even overall happy relationships didn’t improve markers of immune health as much as those who had sex. Researchers put this down to the hormonal changes specific to intimacy, such as a rush of oxytocin and a decrease in cortisol.
That’s not to say our relationships aren’t important when it comes to boosting the side effects of sex. A study from York University involving more than 30,000 participants found that the frequency of sex had no impact on well-being for single people. For those coupled up, regular sex improved happiness – but that peaked at one intimate session a week. Researchers said the study dispelled the idea “that sex has limitless benefits for well-being”, adding that more wasn’t always better.
The novelty, excitement and less perfunctory nature of casual sex can improve the well-being of single people though, according to a 2023 report from the Philosophies journal. However, it depends on a person’s disposition: people who were more permissive and free could reap big benefits, but it could be stressful for anxious people, according to researchers.
Weekly sex seems to benefit people, but don’t stress about your health if you’re not at it all the time, says Wood. “Sex is often a marker of the state of our mental and physical health; stress, lack of sleep, lack of time, changing hormone levels and our self-confidence all play a part in libido levels,” she says. “If you’re not having regular sex, I would say that conversely to work on improving your well-being more generally and fulfilling intimacy will follow.”
When is the best time to have sex?
Sex is much more energetic than the calming activities we’re usually recommended to include in our nighttime routines. That’s no bad thing, as research from Frontiers in Psychology reports that men sleep better after having sex thanks to the production of hormones like oxytocin and prolactin that can lull them into a gentle snooze.
Women reported improved sleep after sex too – as long as they climaxed. However, the orgasm gap (only 30 per cent of women climax every time during heterosexual sex compared to 90 per cent of men, while 86 per cent of lesbian women reach orgasm every time) means generally women are much less likely to reap the benefits of good sleep after sex. It is the orgasm, not just the intimacy, that brings the surge of hormones, so climax is crucial.
What about morning sex? Typically a divisive encounter, but according to a recent survey by CBD company Naturecan, 7.30am is the UK’s favourite time to have sex, with participants reporting early-morning intimacy comes with “maximum benefit”.
“Some experts suggest sex is better in the morning for men as testosterone levels are higher, leading to increased libido, arousal and pleasure. Others say that it’s best for men to wait for the dip of testosterone, which occurs around 3pm, as it will allow them to be more emotionally present,” says certified sexologist Tyomi Morgan.
Women’s sex drive is less impacted by daily rhythms and more by monthly cycles. While ovulation boosts libido to improve chances of pregnancy, a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine also suggests “the clitoris can grow 15-20 per cent in size during this time, allowing more blood to flow and easier orgasms,” says Morgan.
Regarding timing, studies show it takes men and women the same out of time to reach “peak arousal” – just 10 minutes – but it takes women longer to reach orgasm (around 13.4 minutes versus six minutes for men).
However, in real life, turn-on time is often different, says Wood: “I find it can take many cis women up to an hour for the mind to transition to thinking about sex and then to feel desire mentally and aroused physically,” says Wood. Everyone should factor in this stress element when thinking about sex: “When in your day do you have the most headspace to dedicate it? The more desire we feel and the more aroused we are, the better the sex and the better result in terms of pleasure levels, satisfaction and orgasm,” she says.
How to have the best sex
If most of the benefits of sex come from orgasm, position matters. Around 90 per cent of women can’t orgasm from penetration alone and research suggests that non-penetrative actions like kissing and touching the body encourage orgasm. The same study found the best sex positions for women are those that stimulate the clitoris.
Masturbation is also a crucial part of a healthy sex life and general well-being. Harvard University research has found that men who ejaculate 21 times a month can slash their risk of prostate cancer by a third, while a 2020 study from University College London found that any form of sex, including masturbating, once a week reduces the risk of early menopause.
A 2022 paper also found the more frequently women masturbated, the better their overall sexual functioning. “Solo sex allows you to connect more deeply with yourself and spend as much time cultivating pleasure as you desire,” adds Morgan.
So what is a healthy sex life? “I cannot stress this enough: it looks different for everyone,” says Wood. Weekly sex might be packed with perks, but the most important part of healthy sex is safe sex, which includes consent, connection and protection from disease and unwanted pregnancy. “A healthy sex life is one that is rooted in conscious awareness of personal autonomy and focuses on pleasure,” agrees Morgan.
