LORD’S — Josh Tongue is a handsome fella, sure enough, but Botox at 25? Mercifully the universal treatment for middle-aged insecurities has more uses than ironing out creased faces and plumping the lips of Love Island devotees.
In the case of Tongue, alleviating the effects of an impinged artery in his arm that at its worst last summer put his limb almost beyond use.
After two whacks of the wonder drug, the first last August administered in his neck, Tongue regrouped sufficiently to earn a first Test cap against Ireland earlier this month, reeling off a five-fer, followed by an Ashes debut as replacement for Moeen Ali.
Four years ago we sat transfixed by the debut here of Jofra Archer, who left a blistering imprint on the Ashes and a concussive dent on the helmet of Steve Smith with an astonishing display of quick bowling. Archer helped England to a victory that levelled the series. A stellar start but one that ultimately proved his undoing.
Captain Joe Root could not leave him alone. The intensity of a Test match summer, coupled with his one-day appetite led to a chronic elbow injury suffered in South Africa that is still not healed three years after diagnosis.
Tongue could never be Archer. Who could? Indeed, after conceding 24 runs in his first three overs and seeing Warner to his 50 with a six, the audience was beginning to fear for the big man from Worcestershire.
The doubts, however, were not shared by him. Tongue struck twice with vicious balls that darted back down the slope to see off Usman Khawaja with the last ball before lunch and Warner in the early afternoon.
His extra pace and height offered tendrils of hope on a morning of surprising toil for an England attack that jumped at the chance to bowl first under a grey top. Ben Stokes can hardly be blamed for taking the cherry. Equally, there is little more dispiriting for the fielding side than seeing tricky batting conditions yield zip.
In the pre-lunch period there was no shortage of balls flashing past the bat. But this was not the result of irresistible deliveries rather balls hitting the wrong lengths. The batsmen presented straight bats to balls taking empty space instead of the edge.
Though the scoreboard was a miserable readout for Stokes, Tongue had enough in the bank to protect against reproach and was by a stretch England’s most dangerous bowler. A toast to the consultant who diagnosed his affliction last summer after a 15-months of uncertainty, during which he lost the feeling in his right arm and could barely hold a ball.
Two surgical interventions failed to cure the condition. Tongue sought advice from the Professional Cricketers’ Association about an alternative career when a condition known as thoracic outlet syndrome was diagnosed via ultrasound. Botox is not a cure, but it is the answer for now, enabling Tongue to run in free of discomfort.
Smith’s exit to Tongue in the service of Sussex earlier this season flagged his potential. Tongue also claimed the wicket of the adhesive Cheteshwar Pujara in the same match.
In the post-tea session Tongue was the bowler to whom Stokes first looked for relief. Travis Head was rollicking along at a run a ball, as was Smith after the pair came together, passing 9,000 Test runs with his 37th half century.
The run rate served as a grim rebuke, not so much to Bazball but to a bowling unit lacking potency. The question of their age and longevity is bound to be asked of James Anderson and Stuart Broad on days like this.
The overcast conditions persuaded Stokes to throw the new ball to Anderson. And he thought the Edgbaston featherbed was kryptonite.
There was little left of the glorious high of that first Edgbaston morning when Zak Crawley clumped Pat Cummins for four. The world was a different place then. Wham bam England, lathered in fake tan, flexing biceps like fairground strongmen, looked down contemptuously at a supine opponent.
There was none of that here. Reinforced by that epic triumph in Birmingham whilst not at their best, Australia asserted their superiority at HQ in conditions that were supposed to favour England.
With no recognised spinner Root was once again called forth. It worked but more as a result of Australian exuberance than mystery bowling.
In truth Stokes had nowhere else to turn. Not even to himself. Just three overs from the skipper speaks of a disintegrating left knee, a worrying development not even Botox can fix.
