It is that time of the year again, when students start their GCSE, A-level and National Exams. I remember it well and anyone who has been through a period of revision and exams will be able to relate.
Exam stress is real. We put immense pressure on young people to achieve. We often talk about academic success as being the “be all and end all” of everything. Of course, it is important to do your best and create the future direction of your life as you want it to be, but so often this comes at the expense of young people’s mental and emotional health.
I ask you to put yourself in their shoes right now, with the added pressures of the modern world and the uncertainty of the future. Imagine you have been working towards one exam – or one short period of exams – for more than two years. In that time, that is all you hear about from parents, teachers, your friends and the world. Everything in your life appears to be geared towards that. Your mind absorbs this and turns it into the biggest and most important thing ever. How do you feel right now? That is a lot of pressure to carry.
A little bit of stress helps us with motivation, focus and concentration; but too much for too long can cause anxiety, low mood, panic attacks, low self-esteem and worrying levels of perfectionism. When we are stressed, we can’t reach our full potential and we can’t show the world what we are capable of. The stress becomes damaging and unhelpful.
So, what’s the answer in how to support young people this exam season, or in other challenging and stressful times in their lives? There are some key practical things that we can do to help them feel a bit better and to help them show their potential.
Internal strategies
What daily tangible tools can you encourage them to use to help them in moments of panic, worry and calm? Deep and slow breathing techniques, regular exercise, screen-free time, regular breaks, getting out and doing other things in between revision sessions can all help. Keeping up with things that they enjoy like listening to music, crafting, art or watching films can really help them to feel a bit of lightness and joy.
Laughter is a good stress relief so what can you do to help them laugh and reframe things? Grounding techniques – like helping them focus on one thing they can see or hear or smell or touch if they are feeling very panicky – can help too. Sometimes working with them to help them visualise themselves in the exam room feeling calm can also help. Get them to write down five things they can do in those moments when they might be on their own, so that they feel more in control.
Practical
Some of the most helpful things you can do is to take other burdens away from them during exam season – like making breakfast, offering them a lift, helping them get their bags packed the night before and knowing what their exam schedule is so you can also keep an eye on where they might need to be and when.
Certainty
The most important thing to ensure in exam season is a sense of certainty. Making sure an environment of calm and peace is important, as well as helping that young person construct a sense of structure within days of often open ended, self-directed revision.
Priority
Let them know that you love them for them, not whatever grades they get. Their self-worth is not related to what they do, but who they are. Tell them this often and make sure they understand that whatever happens in the next few weeks, you are proud of them and even if they don’t do as well as they hoped, there are always options and there is always a way forward. They are the priority not their grades.
Listening
The most important thing it to become someone who really listens, who doesn’t assume, who doesn’t tell them what to do or think, or project your own worries or expectations onto them. Let them know that whatever time it is, you will be available for them to talk to if they need you. Pressure only becomes overwhelming if someone feels there is not outlet. Be that reliable outlet.
To everyone starting exams or supporting someone doing exams, I wish you all good luck, but mainly I wish you well – well in mental and emotional health, because that is what really matters.
